


Desperate

by KyloTrashForever



Series: Oneshots [31]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Canon Compliant, Conflicted Rey, D23 Reaction, Dark Rey (Star Wars), Dark!Rey, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), I just needed to get these scenes out of my head, disconnected narrative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 22:49:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20379400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyloTrashForever/pseuds/KyloTrashForever
Summary: “I’m coming to find you.”“Please don’t, Ben,” she says wearily. “It’s too dangerous. I have to go alone.”“Don’t you remember what I said?”Her eyes are wet, her body trembling from something that doesn’t belong to her. Something that consumes her from the inside out.Something he knows all too well.“Neither are you,” she whispers.A D23 news inspired drabble.





	Desperate

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little weird and disconnected but mainly I just needed to get my feelings and these odd scenes out of my head after my mind was blown by that D23 revelation a few hours ago. 
> 
> (I’m assuming everyone knows by now, but Rey in a black hood with a double-ended red saber? I’m still hyperventilating a little.)

* * *

Kylo is used to the cold by now.

The nights in the dark vastness of space are just that. _ Vast. _Yawning like the open maw of some creature that has eaten away at him little by little. There is hardly anything left of who he once was—the pieces long consumed by the pressing darkness that has clung to him since childhood. 

She is like a flicker in this stretching blackness. Like the shimmer of a new flame that’s only freshly been lit. The only thing burning in the deep cold that he’s come to know. 

And Kylo can’t look away. 

He wonders if she thought closing the doors on him would shut him out forever. Wonders if perhaps by shutting herself away, she thought that she might sever this fickle connection that thrusts them together again and again. 

Kylo knows better. 

She hasn’t woken up yet. 

He wonders what bed she actually lies on, where she might be across the stars, if some part of her is made aware when she is ripped from her own surroundings and plopped into his own. 

She is almost a stranger in his bed. 

There was a moment when he thought she might be the end of all things, or maybe the beginning, but now he isn’t sure what she is, or what she’s meant to be. Everything the Force has shown him has been murky and misleading. 

He can’t decide if what she feels for him is something like love—or if it is only a bright rage that is born from her desire to end him. 

He lets his fingers brush along the bare skin of her arm, watching the goosebumps erupt over her tanned flesh, letting the gloved digit linger at the thicker skin of the scar that rests there. 

She’s so beautiful like this, something that still takes him by surprise, that he could still find beauty in such a broken world. But she is. Beautiful. _ Perfect, _even—in all her impulsiveness and her naivety about how they can exist together in an imperfect world. 

He brings his hand to his mouth, tearing off the leather with his teeth, pressing his fingers lightly to her temple. His intention is only to skim the surface of her dreams, not to invade, not to conquer—he only wishes to know if she’s happy. If she’s thriving. If she’s living the life he wishes for her. 

Maybe even if she misses him. If she sometimes wonders if she should have stayed with him when he’d offered her a galaxy to rule.

No sooner does his skin touch hers is he assaulted with a piercing black that whispers and _ pleads _and it’s there—the same vision that struck him in an elevator months ago. 

But there’s something else now. Something that terrifies him. A presence around her. Behind her. _ Inside _ her. Whispering, always whispering. Holding her _ prisoner. _

He wrenches his hand away so quickly that it shifts his bed, and she stirs lightly in consequence as his chest heaves with terror. 

Her eyes flutter open slowly, clinging to sleep for a handful of moments before her surroundings take shape and she rouses fully. 

She hisses through her teeth as she pushes him away, scrambling from his bed in a rush as her eyes dart around the room dazedly. 

“Rey.”

His voice still drips with the fear of what he felt inside her. 

“Stay away from me.”

“Rey, inside you, there’s a—” 

“_Away.” _

He hasn't even realized that he is moving towards her until she is nearly against him. She presses herself against the wall, taking his proximity as a threat, having still not realized that he would destroy everything before he harmed her. 

“Rey, _ please.” _

She closes her eyes, shutting them tight as her features smooth and her body relaxes.

And then she’s gone.

Out of his sight and his quarters and far away from where he can reach her.

He wrestles with the need to chase after her long after she disappears.

* * *

There’s a conflict in her. 

She resists him in the beginning. She clings to her old ideals that he is her enemy.

But there are times now that he feels her waver. 

There are moments when she is still that lonely girl who once touched something inside him he’d thought long dead. 

“I can’t sleep,” she whispers. “Not unless I sleep here. Only if I’m here, with you.”

“What’s happening? Where you are.”

“You know I can’t tell you that.”

“You still think I’m your enemy.”

“You told me you wanted to let it all die. Does that not mean me as well?”

“I think you know the answer to that, Rey.”

He hates the sadness in her eyes. Hates the way her light has begun to flicker, not with life but as a candle dwindles when it’s reached the end of its wick. Sparking in a futile attempt to stay lit. 

“I can’t sleep,” she whispers again. 

He moves tentatively this time. Slowly, as if he is afraid she will dissipate at any moment. He reaches for her face—touching her in a way that is as light and as scared as he did so long ago, in a tiny hut as a torrent fell from the sky overhead. 

He thinks for a moment that she will pull away, that she will leave him again, and she surprises him when she rests her cheek against his palm. When her eyes flutter closed and she breathes a sigh of relief. 

“Sleep, Rey. You’re safe here.”

He waits for her to argue, waits for her to _ fight— _but again he is surprised when she nods softly, when she allows him to tuck her into his mattress and cover her with a blanket. He doesn’t speak, simply settles timidly at her side, staring up at the ceiling as he waits for her breathing to steady. For the soft sighs of her sleep to drift through the room. 

His mind lingers on his visions from the elevator. On the shadow that eclipses her now, so long after he thought what he saw was somehow a mistake. Long after they both had come to believe that there was nothing for them, no future for them that would see them standing side by side. 

Long after he began to think he was truly alone. 

Looking down at her now, her chest rising and falling steadily, he thinks maybe they will always be connected like this. Finds himself thinking that when something carves out a place for itself inside you… you’ll always find yourself remembering just why you let it in the first place.

* * *

Something isn’t the same about her. 

When she comes to him now, there is something else that clings to her. Something that touches the light in her to taint it.

Something he can’t quite describe. 

“Talk to me.”

Her jaw is tense. Her gaze fixed elsewhere. “I have nothing to say.”

“Tell me about the dreams, Rey.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’ve seen them,” he pleads. “Fragments. I know you’re tormented.”

“What do you know about torment?”

He thinks back to nights of being terrified and alone, as something _ whispers. _

“Please, Rey. Tell me what’s wrong.”

She’s so guarded now. He wants to know where she is. He wants to _ find _her. 

He’s losing her again. She’s fading back into her own space. Back to where he can’t protect her.

He’s never felt so desperate.

“_Rey.” _

But she’s gone.

* * *

“What are you—”

“Be quiet.” Her fingers are beneath his tunic, her lips against the neckline as her tongue flicks out there and rids him of his sense. “Don’t you want me?”

“Rey, I—”

“Ben.”

Her mouth covers his, her little tongue licking at the seam of his mouth before he opens to let it press inside. He feels her fingers at his pants, wrenching apart the leather until warm hands meet his skin to delve inside and he groans into her mouth when she finds his cock to stroke, and it’s everything he’s wanted—everything he ever _ could _want— 

But something is wrong.

There’s a desperation here that doesn’t belong to her. There’s a _ need _that feels off. It’s too wild, too reminiscent of his own emotions. 

“Rey,” he tries again. “Are you sure you—”

“Ben, _ please.” _

His tunic hangs open and her hands smooth over his chest, and he’s lost to it, lost to her—and he pulls her close like he’s imagined so many times. He kisses her as she pulls at her own clothes, and then there is only the warmth of her skin against his and the hum of the air unit in his quarters—and she’s hungry for it, just as hungry as he is, just as _ wanting— _

When he settles over her, and he sinks inside—he has never felt more whole. 

She rocks against him, her hands pressed to his chest, her hips undulating against his own—the warmth of her cunt as she grips his cock the only thing tethering him to the Earth—hands clinging to her waist if only to remind himself that she’s _ here. _

“Ben,” she whispers, the only utterance of his old name that brings him peace. “_ Ben.” _

Her skin is flushed, tinged a pretty pink that spreads between her breasts that bounce with every thrust of his hips—and he pushes deeper, _ harder, _filling every part of her.

It’s only in this moment that she still feels the same. That he stills feels _ different. _

He pulls her a little tighter, blocking out everything else.

* * *

There’s an anger in her eyes he’s never seen before.

Not in the forest when she gave him his scar, not when she called him a murderous snake, not even when she begged to know why he’d killed his father. This anger is different. It isn’t born from her. 

And he can see it. Clearer. _ Stronger. _

She’s little more than a shadow now. 

It leaves her open, _ vulnerable— _ her thoughts brimming to the surface through their bond and he sees it. Where she is. Where she will _ be. _

A desert, wide and vast, the sun burning the horizon and at the center—her. All in white. Waiting. 

For him?

“I’m coming to find you.”

“Please don’t, Ben,” she says wearily. “It’s too dangerous. I have to go alone.”

“Don’t you remember what I said?”

Her eyes are wet, her body trembling from something that doesn’t belong to her. Something that consumes her from the inside out.

Something he knows all too well.

“Neither are you,” she whispers.

* * *

Darkness. Overwhelming darkness. 

An open maw, not of a creature, but of a cavern deep that holds nothing. Holds _ everything _. One that calls to her, promises her things, promises her everything she could ever want. 

Kylo sees it now. Sees the way it has always been there, deep inside her, whispering to her in the dark in that same way he’s always known. 

He came to save her. To _ help her—_but now he fears as if he might be too late. 

He calls her name, but it’s lost to a swirling darkness and a downpour of rain and he isn’t even sure how they came to _ be here _ but the light is gone now. There is nothing in her eyes but darkness as she comes for him. As she raises her blade to _ strike. _

He parries, sparks flying even in the torrent of water that falls from the sky, and there is a voice, a whisper, a _ shout— _ and it’s all around them, and he can hear it, and he realizes it comes not from the air but _ inside her— _

“Rey, _ Rey. Don’t go this way. _Let me—just let me—”

Her foot connects with his chest, forcing him backwards, and she’s just there, poised to strike, ready to end him, just as the voice is telling her to. He prepares himself, his only regret that he has to leave her alone, closing his eyes as he readies himself to meet her blade—

Then there is no rain. No roaring. Nothing but sand and sun that beats down on his drenched body. 

But no Rey.

* * *

“_We have to find her.” _

Hands he vaguely recognizes clutch at his arms—weapons still trained on him as their owner scramble for what to do with him. 

He couldn’t save her in the desert. He couldn’t save her from _ herself_. 

The traitor, the one from the forest—he never pulls his blaster away from where it’s pointed at Kylo’s chest. 

“Tell me what happened to Rey.”

Flashes in his head. Visions of Rey in the dark. So alone. So very _ alone. _So full of the darkness that it seeps out of her in droves. The whispers so loud they are near deafening. 

Her light replaced by the crackling glow of red that isn’t hers. That should have never been. 

They have always been connected, and he hopes that his darkness didn’t bring her here. Didn’t bring her to _ this. _He ceases his thrashing, he lets his arms go slack as he stares back into faces he never dreamt he would come to for help. But she’s there, in his mind's eye. No longer solid, no longer clear—fading with every passing moment to a place he can’t find her.

When she fades this time, he knows what he has to do.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
Come say hi on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kylotrashforever)!  
I made a [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/KTF_Reylo), come follow me!


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